where I am from

"where are you from" my teacher asked.

I knew he meant where my parents are from

Because saying I am from here would not suffice

So I said “Thailand”

I was 11 and I lied.

I lied because I was afraid.

Afraid that nobody knew about Laos

So I said Thailand. I lied because I was ashamed.

Later my mom came to me

Told me she spoke with my teacher

He’d asked her about our “Thai heritage”

She corrected him and said we’re from Laos

She protected me and said I was just confusing the two

When she asked me why I lied

I cried

I saw the hurt in her eyes.

Shame got to me and hurt not only my family

But also hurt me

I forgive my younger self

I forgive myself that I made up a story

Because I was just longing to belong

“You are not from here”

Is not what people would say

But it is hidden in the questions

The stares and body language

That say

“You are not from here”

I grew up hiding and suppressing all of me

Fulfilling that picture society painted for me

All grey, black and white

No color, no spice

Torn between the longing to fit in

And the yearning to just be,

I pleased everyone but me

I wish it didn’t matter where I come from

Instead, it matters what I dream of

What I believe in

What moves me

If you really want to know where I am from:

Let me tell you

I come from joy

I come from love

I come from A home that was built upon

Survival

Revival

Dreams

And Hopes

Some dreams got lost along the way

For me to be where I am today

So, I am standing here

In deep gratitude

For my roots

and my ancestors

My story is about overcoming

And becoming

Returning to a home

Filled with joy

And all quirks

That make me - me

My heart is my home

And my heart holds my ancestors

My family of origin

And my chosen ones

So, next time you ask me where I am from

I will tell you all about the colors rooted in the mix of our cultures