Here I am again

And here I am again. 

Sitting in my apartment. Alone. 

Embracing myself. 

Holding myself. 

Relieved that I have myself and then again feeling that heavy weight of loneliness that I feel. 

Here I am again. 

Trying, putting myself out there. 

Trying to stay open, stay hopeful.

Here I am again. 

Having hope, to then only be disappointed. 

Here I am agin, waiting for a message that is never to come. 

Here I am again, questioning what I was doing here in the first place.

Haven’t I learnt my lesson that most people are not ready?

Not ready, not able to commit, not able to mean what they say or only say what they mean? 

Haven't I learned that somehow most people are not honest with themselves, so how could they be honest with me? 

Here I am again. 

Giving out second chances because I am the last to lose hope.

I am the last to not try. 

But I do ask myself: when will someone try for me?

When will someone go out of their way for me? 

When will I be held, instead of always having to hold myself?

When will I be cared for, instead of always having to care for myself?

When is somebody ready and able to love me?